


Systematic Dysphoria

by Haze_Cos



Series: ALT Project [ENG] [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, BillDip at the end, Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Older Dipper Pines, Trans Male Character, fluff at the end, slight billdip, trans!Dipper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22020910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haze_Cos/pseuds/Haze_Cos
Summary: "The brown slowly opened their eyes. Today was to take place the job interview that they had been waiting for a long time. However, his day did not bode well."This was written for a script, for a school project. The topic was "a woman is in a room, waiting for the job interview for which she has been preparing hard." And... it's a Gravity Falls one shot now.Read the notes before reading please!I'm French so i'm sorry if my english is not good.French version here:https://archiveofourown.org/works/22020709
Relationships: Bill Cipher & Dipper Pines, Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines
Series: ALT Project [ENG] [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1585024
Comments: 12
Kudos: 21





	Systematic Dysphoria

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Dysphorie Systématique](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22020709) by [Haze_Cos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haze_Cos/pseuds/Haze_Cos). 



> As explained above, this was written for a school class. I wrote it with Gravity Falls' characters because it was more appealing to me.
> 
> However, my teacher didn't know the show, neither characters, it doesn't start with the same base as you.
> 
> We all know that's one shot will talk about Dipper, but this is not the case of my teacher.
> 
> I didn't wish to readjust the writing for AOW3, this is why you will find a lot of repetitions for the subjects. Because if you read the tags, you know why I don't want to gender the character. The surprise will be for my teacher when he reads it!
> 
> As I also said, I am French. My English is not perfect, please correct me!
> 
> Good reading to you!
> 
> PS: There are coded messages in the text, if you don't want to have fun translating, the translation is at the end!

A soft music filled the room, while the alarm clock rang on the nightstand. A thin hand escaped from blankets to press the stop button.

A brown head with short, ruffled hair emerged from the duvet. The young person with fine features painfully opened their eyes and turned their attention to the ceiling.

Today was supposed to be a big day, but all they felt was the bowling ball in his belly. They swallowed, trying to calm their mind too fast for the early hour.

The brown person lets out a sigh before turning their attention to their window. The shutters let a soft light pass. For the first Tuesday of March, the weather seemed good.

They painfully pulled a leg out of the bed, putting his foot on the floor of his room. A second foot followed while they were still weighing the pros and cons of getting up today. The main reason for rising was the presence of his job interview at eleven this morning. The many counter-reasonsrepresented their increasing anxiety gauge, their growing dysphoria and their fear of the interview and everything related to it.

The person took an inspiration before pushing their self out of bed, forcing themself to remember that it was for the right cause. They dragged their feet to the kitchen of their apartment, opening the fridge door. Quickly analyzing the contents of it, they felt their stomach twisting. They weren’t hungry, but had to force themself to swallow something to face the day. Grabbing a plain yogurt and a pack of cake in a cupboard, they went to sit at the sitting table. They stopped on the way, noticing a piece of fluorescent paper roughly stuck to the chair in front of them.

Once again letting go of a sigh, they placed the food on the table before pulling the post-it from the chair. They observed the elegant writing before reading the sentence aloud.

« Good luck with your interview, Pine Tree. Text me on your way out, I’ll contact you. »

The brown person wrinkled the note in his hand, growling. They weren’t yet awake enough to handle anything from their partner. Unfortunately, since he had the keys to their apartment, he would sneak by to leave notes all over their stuff.

They sat down at the table, eating slowly so as not to rush their already shaken stomach. One they had finished, they threw the packaging in the garbage before heading for the shower room, their mind begging for a hot shower.

Pine Tree locked the door behind them and moved to turn on the shower. They placed heir back to the mirror before gently removing their pajamas, leaving them in a crumpled pile on the floor. Avoiding turning his attention to the mirror, the person entered their shower, enjoying the burning water on their skin. They went through their routine, taking advantage of the shower to brush their teeth and to wash their hair.

Eventually getting tired of their mind looping over the interview, they got out of the shower. Pine Tree quickly dried their body and hair before wrapping the towel around their hips and heading for their room. They quickly put on their underwear before they started digging into his closet. They stopped, turning their head towards a chair in the corner of the room, notifying the clothes on it.

It was an elegant tailor composed of a skirt, jacket and shirt, belonging to his twin sister. Mabel was kind enough to come by their apartment the day before yesterday to lend her clothes for the interview.

The young person swallowed at the sight of the clothes, approaching it reluctantly. They took time to breath several times, feeling the cold sweat in their back, before starting to put on the clothes of her twin. As they put on the tailor, they felt their anguish increase. They felt their throat knot, the ball in their belly more and more present. Their breathing accelerated as the being leaned gently forward, putting on the skirt. They closed it before grabbing the chair with and iron fist and turning his gaze to the mirror on the door of his wardrobe. Their breath was taken away from their reflection. They leaned even more on the back of the chair, before letting themself slide to the floor. Their blood was beating in their temples, a raging and noisy sea, deafening all their surroundings.

Their mind was spinning on the thought of their reflection as their vision was troubled. They dropped the chair to rest their hand on the flood to support themself, their left hand inadvertently meeting the pair of pumps lined up at the feet of the chair. They choked before moving back precipitously, their back meeting the foot of their bed. They closed their eyes, feeling their breathing accelerate.

Pine Tree was aware that they had an anxiety attack. They had been accustomed to it since their adolescence. Keeping their eyes closed, they tried to focus their mind on joyful and familiar events rather than on the present.

First, their twin sister. They focused on their childhood evenings, hiding in each other’s rooms, telling stories. They remembered her smile, the sound of her voice, the feeling of the hugs she gave them.

Then, they drew their mind on their best friend, Tyrone. Met in kindergarten, Tyrone had long been an inking point in their life. They remembered their teen afternoons, lying on the couch playing video games.

Finally, his partner. Bill and they had known each other for several years now. He was unbearable and smug. Nevertheless, he was a sure and constant presence in his life, which they could count on. They forced themself to remember the long involuntarily comforting evenings spent in his presence. The visions of his cynical smiley and his heterochromatic eyes blink before their eyes.

It seemed to them hours before their breathing calmed down. Their consciousness began to take hold of the anguish. They painfully opened their eyes to turn them to the alarm-clock, avoiding the mirror. Ten minutes had passed. Feeling rather lucky to have been able to remedy their crisis quickly and effectively, the person got up slowly by pressing on the bed.

Once standing and safe to stay, they saw the pumps. They had not walked with these shoes for years. Luckily for them, their sister had chosen shoes with small heels. They put them on with mistrust before trying to walk with them. They were rather comfortable. Sighing, they removed them in order to put on a pair of basket. They put the shoes in their bag, preferring to travel with shoes that they knew.

Resting their bag on the floor, the young person entered the bathroom. They grabbed their hair brush, passing it in their brown curls to try to discipline them. They stared at their reflection, trying to ignore their clothing, to take care of their hair. After a few more brushstrokes, they gave up. Their hair was constantly a mess, it would not change today. Catching a mascara and a liner hidden in the bottom of a drawer, they made up very lightly, trying not to tremble thinking about what they were doing.

Finally, they picked up their bag, their phone and walked to the front door. They while holding hands to take their car keys but stopped on the way. It was still early and there might be people in town, taking the car meant taking the risk of falling into traffic. They swallowed, again smelling the omnipresent ball in their throat.

The company was only a 15-minutes walk away. Looking at the time on the microwave timer, they made the decision to walk since they had the time.

The person went out and closed his apartment before going down the two floors of his building. They went out into the street and left. Their gaze landed on the concrete as they advanced, painfully aware of people present on the sidewalk around them.

They were aware that they were leading their lives, not concerned about themself at all. However, the idea that people could put their eyes on them, made them want to vomit. Their social anxiety, which had calmed down with age, had resurfaced because of their anxiety attack this morning.

They accelerated the pace and turned right at the intersection, trying to avoid as much as possible the people who walked around them. Pine Tree made another few meters before stopping at a saturated crosswalk. They raided their head discreetly, trying ti observe all the people who were waiting to cross the street. His attention turned to an elderly little lady, holding a grocery bag. She also looked around her, confused, surrounded by people much larger than herself. The young person swallowed, feeling compassionate, before approaching the little lady.

« Hello ma’am, do you want some help ? To carry your grocery bag and cross the street, there are a lot of people and I wouldn’t want you to be caught in the current. »

The lady seemed surprised by their approach, then smiled softly.

« Of course, miss, that’s very kind of you. »

Their hand became tense by grabbling the bag that the elderly woman kindly handed them. Their breath stopped for a short time, before reaching out the lady, who caught them, unconscious of their condition.

Once the traffic light went green, the mass of people moved forward like a single man toward the opposite sidewalk. The young person guided the elderly person, trying to avoid people who crossed them because they weren’t going fast enough.

Once on the sidewalk opposite, they handed her bag to the old lady, apologizing for not being able to held her carry her groceries home because they were expected somewhere.

« Oh, don’t worry, I don’t live very far anymore. It was very kind of you to help me through. Thank you very much, young lady. Goodbye. »

The elderly lady turned her heels with her bag and took a slow step as the young person babbled a « goodbye ». They felt the acid bile coming up in their throat. Closing their eyes, they took several deep breaths to alleviate they urge to vomit. Helping an old lady and taking the risk of facing the weight of words, or ignoring an elderly person in need for their own good, the choice was made quickly. Cursing their altruistic character, they left in the opposite direction of the little lady.

They took a shopping street, paying more attention to their entourage so as not to meet other passers-by. They advanced about 20 meters before stopping. The passers-by behind them failed to get into them, bypassing them by dropping nasty phrases. Pine Tree only half heard them, their mind almost entirely focused on the face which was about ten meters away.

Tyrone was walking in their direction, accompanied by his girlfriend. A powerful wave of panic overwhelmed the brownas they wondered what they had done to have such karma today. They looked at themself quickly, their mind spinning at a thousand an hour. They couldn’t see their best friend like that, it was not possible. They thought about the consequences of staying while their stomach turned around. If Tyrone and them meet on the street, it would generate a panic that they would not be able to handle, as well as a lot of questions from Tyrone and his girlfriend. This could make them late for the interview and this was them number one priority.

The young person turned into the street perpendicular to their right, running away from their closest friend. Unaware of their stomach rising and their anguish increasing as their feet struck the ground, they ran as long as they could. At one point, they felt a more powerful wave of nausea invade them and stopped in a separate street to return his breakfast against a wall. Shaken by effort and anguish, they tried to recover normal breathing forcing their consciousness to regain control. They searched their bag for a bottle of water and mint gum to wash the horrible taste of bile. Breathing more and more calmly, they looked around to try to locate themself, before deciding to take out their phone to open a localization app. The app showed them their current position and a new path all mapped out to go to the company. They set out.

After a quarter of an hour walk at a steady pace to return to the right path, they reached the building housing the company. They trembled and passed a hand in their hair already messy. They entered the building and presented themself at the reception. They were shown a painting room on the second floor, which they reached via the stairs.

When she got there, they took a chair and took the opportunity to exchange their baskets for their sister’s pumps. The young person removed their gum and threw it away, before taking a sip of water. More than the interview to be done and they could go back to their apartment and go back to their bed until the next day.

They were surprised by the opening of the adjacent door. A man of medium size, wearing a black shirt and pants smiled at them before inviting them in. The young person got up and entered what wad their recruiter’s office. He instructed them to sit down before doing the same behind his desk. They sat across from him, crossing their legs and standing straight. Bill’s mocking voice echoed in their head _« Accentuate your best features, Pine Tree. »_ They suppressed a grunt by refocusing on the situation.

The man in front of them went thought his file before raising his head towards them.

« Massa Nepis, right ? »

The name caused them a wave of cold sweat which they tried to erase. It had been about ten years since they had heard it and even less used it. They swallowed. It was his partner who put together their interview file before sending it without giving them the time to take a look. They cursed him in several languages before they quickly regained their grip.

« Yes, absolutely » they said with a smile, using all the cold-blooded that they was capable of.

The employer embraced a series of various basic questions, allowing the young person to answer automatically.

« Why do you think I should hire you instead of someone else ? »

« I am a serious person who works hard to do everything possible to achieve the objectives set by the company. I’m nice and teamwork doesn’t bother me. I know how to take initiatives quickly and rationally, weighing the advantages and disadvantages quickly. »

The man nodded before turning again to his file, flipping it one last time.

« Do you think you can take up your post from tomorrow ? »

« Of course. »

« All right, so welcome to my company. »

He stood up and held out his hand. They did the same before shake it and thanked him. They changed a bit more before he communicated a schedule for the next day and dismissed them.

They went out, relieved. Tired, they ordered a taxi to take them back to they apartment. Once in this one, they rushed to undress and put on a jog and a basic t-shirt. The person released a sigh that they didn’t think would hold. Instantly, their body relaxed, their mind did the same.

They quickly grabbed their phone to send a simple text to his partner, _« Shpx lbh, ohg fhpprffshy zvffvba »,_ before pressing the enter key. They went to sink into their couch, watching Bill’s quick response.

_« 7 12 1 4 . 20 15 . 8 5 1 18 . 9 20 »_

They frowned at the reply. This morning’s note indicated that he would contact them once their text message was received. The young person expected a phone call from the blond, but apparently, they were fooling themself.

The brown placed their phone on the coffee table before turning on the TV and playing on an entertainment channel. They decided that spending their entire day watching TV was a good activity after that disturbing morning.

Their inactivity was nevertheless interrupted after twenty minutes by a key noise in the lock of their door. Surprised, they stood up to see a blonde head penetrate their living room and lock up behind him.

« Bill ? »

The young man in front of them put a bag on the entrance furniture, while he removed his shoes and coat.

« Hey Pine Tree. »

To say they were surprised was an understatement. Of course, their partner often visited their apartment, but rarely when they were present. The blond got his bag and approached them to ruffled their hair, displaying a huge smile.

« I have already told you to stop witch this stupide nickname, » they said, blushing slightly, trying to remove the brown hand from their brown curls.

« Oh, » he sang, « perhaps you prefer Massa ? »

The name made him laugh badly, repelling Bill with an excess of anger. This one smiles with all his teeth.

« Bill ! Don’t ever dare call me by that name again ! It’s Mason now ! »

« I know, Pine Tree. Don’t spontaneously burn yourself, I was going to spend a nice afternoon before, » he said on the way to the kitchen to get two glasses.

« Do you realize that calling me by my deadname, is one of the most hurtful things possible ? As if this day was not so distressing and catastrophic as that…, » he murmured.

« It was necessary for the interview. »

Mason was swallowing it.

« It wasn’t necessary coming out of your mouth, » he said in a low voice. »

Bill sat down on the couch, putting the glasses on the coffee table and tapping the place next to him. Mason hesitated for half a second before sitting next to him. Bill moved a little closer to him, their thighs and shoulders grazing, offering silent comfort.

« Why did you come ? » Mason asked in a tired voice.

« To celebrate the success of the interview. »

With these words, he took out a bottle of champagne and two lunch boxes from a Vietnamese restaurant to go.

Mason realized his hunger when Bill placed the cardboard boxes on the table. He took a look at his partner before grabbing his box and opening it. It contained his favorite dish. The attention sent a heat wave into his chest.

Bill opened the champagne and poured two glasses, then handed one to Mason before taking his.

« I make a toast to the success of your interview, » he smiles. « I also make a toast to the beginning of the ALT mission. »

Mason smiles slightly before toasting his glass against the blond’s one and taking a sip of champagne.

« The goal now, » Bill said, « is for you to integrate into the business and take advantage of the interactions you can to gather information. Then we’ll try to retrieve the files stored in the boss’s office », he said by attacking his meal.

Mason watched Bill sink into the couch and stick his fork in his lunch box. Mason did the same, adjusting his position in the sofa cushions. He felt Bill get closer once again, sticking their shoulders, letting a feeling of comfort invade the brown one.

« The Crypto - Dipper duo is going to playing up again. »

He smiled as he ate his food.

« To our duo, » Mason said by raising his fist.

« To our duo, » Bill easily replied by hitting his fist against the brown’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> If you liked, I may complete with different parts of the story (the ALT Mission, The meeting between Dipper and Bill...)
> 
> « Shpx lbh, ohg fhpprffshy zvffvba »  
> Use Caesar code, 13 offset.  
> "Fuck you, but successful mission."
> 
> « 7 12 1 4 . 20 15 . 8 5 1 18 . 9 20 »  
> Use code A1Z26  
> "Glad to hear it."


End file.
